This explains it all...
GOLF AND WHAT IT ALL MEANS
Golf can best be defined as an endless series of tragedies obscured by the occasional miracle, followed by a good bottle of beer....
Golf ! You hit down to make the ball go up.
You swing left and the ball goes right.
The lowest score wins, on top of that, the winner buys the drinks.
Golf is harder than baseball.
In Golf, you have to play your foul balls.
If you find you do not mind playing golf in the rain, the snow, even during a hurricane, here's a valuable tip ...
your life is in trouble.
Golfers who try to make everything perfect before taking the shot rarely make a perfect shot...
The term 'mulligan' is really a contraction of the phrase 'maul it again...'
A 'gimme' can best be defined as an agreement between two golfers ...
neither of whom can putt very well ...
An interesting thing about Golf is that no matter how badly you play, it is always possible to get worse.
Golf's a hard game to figure...
One day you'll go out and slice it and shank it, hit into all the traps and miss every green.
The next day you go out and for no reason at all you really stink.
If your best shots are the practice swing and the 'gimme putt', you might wish to reconsider this game ...
Golf is the only sport where the most feared opponent is you.
Golf is like marriage,
If you take yourself too seriously it won't work, and both are expensive...
The best wood in most amateurs' bags is the pencil.
SENIOR'S DAY AT THE COURSE
David Letterman's Top Ten Reasons Why Golf Is Better Than Sex...
#10... A below par performance is considered damn good.
#09... You can stop in the middle and have a cheeseburger and a couple of beers
#08... It's much easier to find the sweet spot.
#07... Foursomes are encouraged.
#06... You can still make money doing it as a senior.
#05... Three times a day is possible.
#04... Your partner doesn't hire a lawyer if you play with someone else.
#03... If you live in Florida, you can do it almost every day.
#02... You don't have to cuddle with your partner when you're finished.
And the NUMBER ONE reason why golf is better than sex...
#01... When your equipment gets old you can replace it!
||At the Master's every year they have a practice round (every tournament does). The 16th hole is a par three with water from the Tee box all the way to green. The ones who don't try to skip their ball over the water get booed. The tradition during the practice round is for the pros to try and skip their ball over the water onto the green.
This is a clip of Vijay Sing skipping his ball over the water on Hole #16 during the practice round at, I think, last year's Master's.
Stevie Wonder and Tiger Woods are in a bar.
Tiger turns to Stevie and says, 'How's the singing career going?'
Stevie replies, 'Not too bad. How's the golf?'
Woods replies, 'Not too bad, I've had some problems with my swing, but I think I've got that right, now.'
Stevie says, 'I always find that when my swing goes wrong, I need to stop playing for a while and not think about it. Then, the next time I play, it seems to be all right.'
Tiger says, 'You play GOLF?'
Stevie says, 'Yes, I've been playing for years'.
Tiger says, 'But -- you're blind! How can you play golf if you can't see?'
Stevie Wonder replies, 'Well, I get my caddy to stand in the middle of the fairway and call to me. I listen for the sound of his voice and play the ball towards him. Then, when I get to where the ball lands, the caddy moves to the green or farther down the fairway and again I play the ball towards his voice.'
'But, how do you putt?' asks Tiger
'Well', says Stevie, 'I get my caddy to lean down in front of the hole and call to me with his head on the ground and I just play the ball towards his voice.'
Tiger asks, 'What's your handicap?'
Stevie says, 'Well, actually -- I'm a scratch golfer.'
Woods, incredulous, says to Stevie, 'We've got to play a round sometime.'
Stevie replies, 'Well, people don't take me seriously, so I only play for money, and never play for less than $10,000 a hole. That a problem?'
Woods thinks about it and says, ' I can afford that, OK, I'm game for that. $10,000 a hole is fine with me.
When would you like to play?'
Stevie Wonder says, 'Pick a night'